Episode Summary

Tim Wienecke (00:05.646) As a veteran train counselor, I always love when guys come from high performance world into clinical work. Brian Alsru has lived high performance. Strongman, strengths, cross, founder of Never Sate Sate. Never Sate. And he spent a decade helping men find their limits and build build real capacity under a bar. Now he's building on that, finishing his clinical mental health program at McDonald's, at McDaniel, and seeing clients as a pre licensed professional. He didn't start over, he added range. Should I change this since you're doing coaching instead? Brian Alsruhe (00:37.899) No, I mean it they'll they'll get it. They'll get it. Right? I mean I s I everything is still I mean it's clinical and ca it the two are so intertwined. Tim Wienecke (00:38.946) I don't think so. Like you're gonna be using the skills. Yeah, you're using the skills. Tim Wienecke (00:45.612) Yeah. There we go. He didn't start over, he added range. Today we're mapping how he trains for capacity in the gym, how I train for it in the room, and why some why the same online program breaks two different men for two opposite reasons. The guy with no capacity who snaps at the first hard week, and the guy on the edge of burnout who can't who can do any program on paper and still falls off a cliff at home. Neither one has a willpower problem. Thanks for being here, man. I'm really glad to do this with you. Brian Alsruhe (01:14.735) Thanks for having me, man. I'm so stoked to be here. Tim Wienecke (01:17.23) So I I love the journey going from strength coach to clinical work, man. What did you already know how to do before you started the clinical work? Brian Alsruhe (01:28.727) so I've been involved in strength training, especially Lord of Strongman and powerlifting for l almost thirty years. So it's been pretty extensive and I've gotten to work with some very high people. I have a couple world champions under me and stuff like that. And what I quickly learned is that you know, you can make anyone strong, right? Like that that's not hard. You follow certain things, it's like a math problem. You do the correct things and you will get strong. But what separates a high performer from everybody else is really their mindset and what they're doing in the mental game versus the physical game. And once I started doing that, I started developing that. And after that, I actually moved into counterterrorism, moved back to training after that. But in counterterrorism, everything that I was learning about the autonomic nervous system and the fight or flight and learning how to manipulate that in high stress situations directly went over to competition when it came. Because although you're not completely like blown out like dorsal vagal shutdown like you would be like on a battlefield, like you still do experience a lot of like auditory exclusion, tunnel vision, all the things that you would normally get. and so learning how to turn things on and turn things off really helped people be able to perform at a different level than other people could if everything else was equal on a on a physical plane. Right. So I started developing that and realize that if I wanna take it further, I actually need to learn something about this other than like what you see on social media, right? Tim Wienecke (02:58.317) Sure. Well, so if for that social media conversation, right, like tell people what you mean when you say the vagus nerve and what happens in combat versus what happens in competition. Like how do those things cross over? Brian Alsruhe (03:11.524) So, I know you know this, right? But like for anyone who doesn't understand, a very, very basic overview of the autonomic nervous system basically has two parts, right? Like you have your sympathetic, which is your fight or flight, everyone is familiar with that, and your parasympathetic, which is more involved with like calming you down, right? That's how you go to sleep, that's how you digest food, that's how you do a lot of things. And the two cannot operate at the same time, right? And so when something happens in your life that you're not expecting, whether it be Well, let's come flying at you, or you're almost in a car accident, or you're getting ready to lift a weight that you've never lifted before in front of a bunch of people, your body starts reacting in a certain sort of way. And that's your basically your your fight or flight system kicking in or sympathetic goes way up, right? And when it does, your prefrontal cortex shuts down, right? That's kind of where you do your logic, where you're you can do your rational thinking and stuff like that. That's why, like if you're driving your car and you almost get an accident. When you're maneuvering through that situation, you're not thinking about what you're gonna eat later. You're not thinking about what you're gonna watch on Netflix. You can only think about that situation because this is shut down. You are responding, right? And you can only respond to the level of which you trained, right? And so, like on a battlefield or any type, like like an example that I use with a lot of my clients is back in the day when policemen used to shoot like revolvers, like six shooters, right? They kept finding cops after gunfights dead with a bunch of empty shells in their pocket. And so they started doing research and they were like, why do these cops keep being dead with shells in their pocket instead of reloading and returning fire? And so they looked at their training and they found out that on the range, like if you've ever been on a range, range is a place where people get lazy really easy, right? Like you're supposed to practice like you play, right? But that's hard to convince on the range. And so all these cops would shoot their six shots, empty the shells in their hand, put it in their pocket, reload their gun, and get back on target, right? Well Tim Wienecke (05:02.337) Yeah, they've got the muscle memory from the range for that, it slows them down. Brian Alsruhe (05:05.536) Exactly. And everyone thinks when bad things go on, they're gonna rise to the occasion like it happens in the movies, right? And that never happens. No one does that, right? You drop to your lowest level of training, right? And so those cops, when they're in that and they went in it, they could only do what they practiced. And so that's exactly what they did, and it cost them their lives, right? And so all the training behind everything involving firearms and really anything involving firing back and forth, like really it all changed. Right, the training for it. And the same thing happens the exact same way to a lower extent when you're going out in a competition. Like you go out and you have to lift this weight in front of bunch of people. And although it's not the same as like almost getting a car accident, it's not life or death, right? But to the person who has trained for months or years for this moment, it feels very life or death. Right. And so their body, your body keeps the score. Tim Wienecke (05:36.801) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (06:01.225) If if you're involved in the field of mental health, you've read the book, The Body Keeps a Score, right? That's exactly why when like you're running on a trail, if there's a snake, you will jump over the snake before you ever look at the snake and realize it's a snake, you will be in the air. You know what I mean? Because your body is going, get in the air, there's a snake there, right? So same thing there, like oftentimes our bodies will start revealing that we're about ready to turn sympathetic before we even realize it's happening, right? And that's part of the way to slow it down and stuff and and training and things. Tim Wienecke (06:14.103) Mm-hmm. Brian Alsruhe (06:29.495) But when you go for like a big lift like this, what you'll find is that people, when they go for like their biggest lift or a lift they've never gotten before, they will start to do things that they've never done before because they think it requires more than it actually does. When what they need to do is stick their routine the same way that you would, you don't put your mags in different places because it's a special mission, right? You put them where they always are. So when stuff goes down, you know where they're at. And same thing here with lifting, like if people build a routine Tim Wienecke (06:41.677) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (06:56.887) Then that becomes muscle memory and they don't need to think going up and all this other stuff kind of gets pushed out so that they can just execute the same way that a person on a battlefield can execute, right? Tim Wienecke (07:07.281) Well, I think that's the hard part is getting guys to see the range of that, right? Like when you talk about skills work clinically, it's the same concept, right? Like the the guys that are scared to ask a girl out for the first time, they expect, like, if I really like her, if I feel really safe, I'll all of a sudden be able to start a conversation that I know is different than ones I've had before when they've never approached somebody cold for anything, right? Brian Alsruhe (07:14.989) Yep. Hundred percent. Tim Wienecke (07:34.795) And it puts them in a state where they're just gonna stutter step. Just like a guy coming out on stage, never having lifted in front of people who is all of a sudden doing it with a new bar in a new stance is gonna botch it. Brian Alsruhe (07:46.478) Yep. That's the same reason why, like, if I if you ask me to sing karaoke not not me, but if you ask a certain person to sing karaoke, right, that's the most terrifying thing in the world. Or like to give a speech up in front of people and other people, you hand them a microphone or a guitar and they're like, It's my time to shine, right? One person is trained, knows what's gonna happen, the other person's going, I I hope this goes well. You know what I mean? And this applies to everyone in your life, whether B B Tim Wienecke (08:04.225) Yeah, let's go. Brian Alsruhe (08:15.807) On a battlefield, in a gym, in a corporate setting, anything. All of this matters, right? Because if you can control your emotions and what happens, we both know that when things go down, the power belongs to the calmest person in the room, right? Like there's a fire. Everyone's freaking out. The dude who's like, Shut up, follow me. I know where to go. People immediately become lambs and they just follow that person, right? Because they have the perception. Everyone understands that that person is calm. That person know Tim Wienecke (08:39.373) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (08:45.207) They're under control. Follow them. Right? How do you become that person? In your home, at the job, in the gym, on the wherever. How do you become that person? Right. Tim Wienecke (08:54.987) Yeah. I I think the struggle that I have with the veteran clients I work with, with the former athletes, with the C suit guys is to be that guy on the hard edge, they bring too much of it home. Like they don't they don't take it as getting reps, they take it where they need to live all the time. And so then they ride that edge of burnout. Just like on the other end, the guys who never had a challenge, never dealt with some friction, feel like it's impossible. Brian Alsruhe (09:08.301) Yeah, a hundred percent. Tim Wienecke (09:23.263) And I think most guys land in between those two extremes, right? Like that like in my mind I always think of the bell curve of guys wanting to make a change. And most people that I work with clinically come in like they've got a lean to it, but they're not on the far edges most of the time. It sounds like with you, the guys you work with and the training that you've done, the guys you're trying to get to are already doing exceptional things and want to be better. So you're working on one side of that equation. When you started working with guys that just want to lift, like what did that look like? When you just started like clinically and in your practice and in your videos seeing guys that like, I wanna be healthy, man. Help me be healthy. What did that look like? Brian Alsruhe (10:06.947) I think for a lot of people, sometimes the hardest, the hardest thing to do to accomplish any goal is starting, right? Because it's like I'm not a car guy, right? So if I open up the hood of a car and you're like, I'm like purple, I don't know the answers to these questions, right? And that's how I think a lot of people feel when they Think about like lifting or the mental health world or nutrition or anything like that. Like it's we're so overblown with information and everyone's trying to sell something and you don't know who to believe and all that junk and it's ruined, right? Because it's not that complicated. But we have to make it complicated so we can keep making videos so you keep buying stuff, right? Like that's the hard part. But that that muddies the water and makes it like that, right? So I think for a lot of people. Tim Wienecke (10:39.765) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (10:54.593) What they don't understand is that like action follows motivation. Motivation does not follow action, right? So if you're sitting around and you're like, I have to wash the dishes, but I really don't feel like washing the dishes. Number one, in those situations, I always tell people to give themselves a five count, right? The second that enters your mind and you're like, I need to go wash the dishes, start counting down. Five, four. By the time you get to one, you gotta be moving, right? Because the longer you wait, the harder it's gonna get, man. Like it's like tearing off a band-aid, just go, right? Tim Wienecke (11:23.585) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (11:24.001) And if you start washing the dishes, I guarantee that five minutes into washing the dishes, you're gonna be like, it's not that bad, right? Like I'll get through it, it's cool, right? but we spend so much time worrying about how bad something's going to be and make believing like it it's like if you have to if you have to come home rush hour and you're thinking about traffic all day and you're like, Yeah, but I got traffic, every little inconvenience that comes along your way, you just tack traffic on top of it, right? Like and that guy was a jerk, and I have to drive home traffic later, right? But you don't know what traffic's gonna be, right? You have no idea, but you're dying a million deaths worrying about it, right? If it's gonna be bad, you're gonna have to deal with later. Why are you spending time and energy right now in the present away from what you're doing worrying about it when you don't even know? You know what I mean? And so when people a lot of people, when they're trying to get involved in lifting, it seems very overwhelming, seems whatever, but it's really just about taking one step, right? Because Tim Wienecke (11:56.801) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (12:09.196) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (12:20.512) Everything that you do, it's like building it's like building a castle, right? Like a castle is built one rock at a time. You know, you go in, you do the best you can, you challenge yourself, you recover, you come back, you do it again. And all it is is consistency, right? And so when at the beginning a lot of times it's just convincing people to keep showing up and just keep being consistent, like you're not gonna see the results immediately. It's just like it's just like in counseling, right? Like people think it's like going to a doctor. I show up, you give me a pill, I have to feel better, right? Tim Wienecke (12:33.922) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (12:44.951) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (12:49.794) It's not how it works, right? Like it somebody wants to lose 75 pounds and they diet for a week and they come to me and they're like, it's not working. I'm like, bro, it didn't it didn't take a week to put 75 pounds on. It's not gonna take a week to take it off. Right. So like there's patterns that we've been living in that need to change. And especially in your mind, some of these patterns go from way back, right? And you've been living that's been your survival your whole life. That's how you've made it. Like, how many of us guys use negative self-talk as Tim Wienecke (13:02.572) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (13:11.361) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (13:18.902) We believe that's how we've gotten to where we're at, right? Like, no, no, man, I'm hard on myself. And because I'm so hard on myself, that's why I've gotten to where I'm at. And so I can't let that go. But we both know that's complete BS, right? Like, if like if you're running a marathon and you're on mile 22 or 26 of a marathon, and some dude rolls up next to you and he's like, Man, I've seen you running, but I can see how bad you're hurting. Like I can see your knee, you're you could possibly hurt yourself the rest of your life. Tim Wienecke (13:21.537) Yeah. If I lash myself, yeah. Tim Wienecke (13:30.605) Yeah. It's got a limit. Brian Alsruhe (13:45.815) You've done enough. Just give it up, man. It's not you've gone far enough. That negotiation, you're not finishing that marathon. Guaranteed. Conversely, if you're in the gym and you're on rep five and you think you're done, and some stupid idiot walks up next to you and starts going, One more! One more, you will keep going, right? And that person in both circumstances lives inside your head, right? So whoever you're doing it for, what whatever you're feeding yourself, you're going to get, right? But so many times we believe. Tim Wienecke (14:04.183) Yeah, yeah. Tim Wienecke (14:08.173) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (14:15.252) No man, I gotta be negative on myself. That's how I drive. BS. That it that is a finite that is a finite resource. And if you could switch that over to something positive, you will get so much more out of your life. Tim Wienecke (14:27.117) Well, I think that's the the trick with the motivation is finding like the carrot and the stick is always the way I think of it. Right? Some negative critique helps you figure out where you are. Like you're not gonna build an effective plan if you can't be like, I am 75 pounds heavier than I want to be. Like if I I need to do something this. But then if you don't have any kind of carrots along the way, like, all right, man, I made my diet for a week. I feel a little better, or I feel the way that I was told I should feel right now. Brian Alsruhe (14:36.961) Hundred percent. Brian Alsruhe (14:41.952) I completely agree with that. Tim Wienecke (14:56.693) And I was thinking about this coming with you coming on. I've been doing personal training for a year and I kept hurting myself before, right? Like I'm just I'm an older guy. I used to be a fitness leader for the Air Force and all of a sudden I can't figure out a workout that doesn't hurt me. And it felt so soft, right? Doing little rubber bands and shit, trying to get it all working. And the only thing that kind of keeps it going is I don't see the progress. I just feel like a guy that's not where I was when I was in the Air Force. Brian Alsruhe (15:02.24) Nice. Yep. Tim Wienecke (15:24.053) And it's my trainer that's like, man, look at that. That's more weight. You see that? Like having some some reflection around you to see the window of tolerance you've built moving makes all the difference in the world. Because otherwise it's just a willpower test and you're gonna fail at some point. Brian Alsruhe (15:40.653) I I completely agree with that. And people people look at counseling the same way or coaching. Like I do counseling, I do coaching, right? But like people are like, yeah, I don't need that. I I I don't need to work my mindset. My mindset's just fine, especially dudes. Dudes think that, right? Like, no, no, I'm strong enough. I it it looks weak. Right. But and and they think it looks weak to like talk somebody. But then I'm like, bro, look at every single high performer in the world, right? Michael Jordan needs a guy to help him with his mindset, but you don't. Tim Wienecke (15:54.231) Yeah. If I just get it in my head I'll be better. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (16:08.916) You're str you you've got together, but Michael Jordan needs help. I'm like, bro, get over yourself. If you want to get better, look for the professional, right? You don't need to it's training wheels. Get with them, learn the skills, apply them, go on your own, right? But like if you were gonna learn Spanish, you wouldn't be sitting here going, Ablo what? Right? Like you would you would you would go somewhere that there was actually a like knowledgeable people to teach you these skills. But When it comes to this stuff, we're like, nah, man, that's that's weak, that's weak stuff. And I'm like, bro, like, if you want to get better, find the roadmap and then apply it and then go. But like, find the roadmap. Tim Wienecke (16:49.76) Yeah, and accept that you're not special, I think is the other one. Brian Alsruhe (16:52.694) Yeah, yeah, a thousand percent. Tim Wienecke (16:55.968) Yeah, that's a hard one for everybody because we're all so married to our pain and our limitations. Like the guy who can't sit still versus the guy that can only sit still, right? I'm the guy that does this. I'm special. It's hard. So you'd been doing all of this stuff within the workout world, within the powerlifting world and and with some of the operator world. Did you have the frame for window of tolerance already? Or was that something that you picked up in your clinical studies? Brian Alsruhe (17:22.818) It was definitely to i if I'm being honest, I I don't consider my clinical study to be very good as many people would say about their schooling, right? Like school didn't really teach me how to do the job, right? But my own personal educational reading the books that I think are important and and luckily my wife has been a therapist for like twenty years, so she was like, Don't waste your time on that. Like focus here. Like the autonomic nervous system, right? Tim Wienecke (17:36.096) Mm-hmm. Tim Wienecke (17:48.812) So she normalized some of that for you. Nice. Nice. Brian Alsruhe (17:51.126) Like autonomic nervous system was not touched in my schooling. And I'm like, what? What are we doing? Right? Like that should be top of, you know. but I I think I had an idea of the window of tolerance. I just didn't have language for it. And I didn't have the understanding that I have now. Like, I I understood it in like a big dumb type of way, right? And I could, I could explain to other meatheads. Tim Wienecke (17:54.027) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (18:18.408) how to how to say that, but now I actually have the clinical language where I can say it in a different room and sound smart. Tim Wienecke (18:23.532) So so let's do both versions really quick for the listeners so they hear the progression. Brian Alsruhe (18:30.71) so I guess When you think about window tolerance, you can't really enter that conversation without talking about emotional regulation, right? And emotional regulation is kinda like a key word that gets thrown around a lot on like social media and but I think it's misunderstood because a lot of people see emotional regulation as just being able to stay calm all the time. And I don't think that's the point. At least not for me and the people I work with. For me, I believe that emotional regulation is not about creating a life Where you don't respond when activation occurs, right? But you build tools so that you can still be capable when those things happen, right? So you can still think correctly, you can still act intentionally when stuff really goes bad, right? Can you, when you're in the middle of that argument with your wife, can you not let that thing come out of your mouth? When you're at the job and someone drops that thing on your desk and you're ready to rage. Wha how do you respond, right? Like when you're driving your car and someone cuts you off, can you not like immediately flip someone off and like go into a rage? Like, where are you at? Because so many times, especially as guys, every single dude watching this will relate to this. Like, as guys, we've been taught our whole lives that like something goes wrong, you stuff it down, right? You don't you don't deal with that, you stuff it down. I don't have time to deal with this right now. I stuff it down. Too much going on. I stuff it down, right? But it's kind of like the frog in the pot, right? Like Your environment is heating you up and you don't realize how hot it's getting and you're getting cooked, right? And so if you're not all the time building in pressure releases all the time, then you're rising, right? And this is not mine. This is this is stolen from somebody else. But you whatever you're carrying, when you get bumped, you're gonna spill it, right? And just like when you're gonna have a car accident, you're most likely to have it near your house because that's where you spend the most time in the car. Brian Alsruhe (20:33.621) You're not gonna spill out on a stranger, you're not gonna spill out at work, you're gonna spill out on your family, right? So the danger is you wake up, you're all like your set point is supposed to be at five, and you're already at six because you had a bad day yesterday, you didn't get enough sleep, right? And then you have traffic on the way and you're at seven. Bad day at work, you're at eight, you're at nine, you come home, your kid spills a glass of milk, you explode. Had nothing to do with the milk. It had to do with all that buildup, right? And now your kid's looking at you and your wife's looking at you going, Daddy's not safe. I can't talk to daddy about anything because daddy acted like that over a glass of milk, right? You're you're ruining relationships because you're not controlling your emotional regulation, right? So when we look at the window of tolerance, basically the window of tolerance is how much stress a person's central nervous system handle and still respond correctly, still make intentional decisions, right? If you are above the window of tolerance, then you're hyperactivated, right? Like you're you're hyper-aroused, you're gonna have like Tim Wienecke (21:30.326) Something snaps. Brian Alsruhe (21:32.744) Anxiety, you're gonna have stress, you're gonna feel overwhelmed, you you're gonna s that's when panic attacks and things like that happen, right? And conversely, when you're under your window of tolerance and you're hypo-aroused, then you're gonna experience like shutdown. You're gonna feel numb, you're not gonna have a lot of emotions, you can feel depressed, you're not gonna feel like doing anything, right? And anytime that you're outside of that window of tolerance, you are not acting optimally, mentally, physically, emotionally, like you are off, you are dysregulated, you cannot be the person. that you want to be. And there's so many ways that you can control that, but being able to recognize that and just realize that that's a problem at first is a big thing. Tim Wienecke (22:05.036) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (22:08.612) Well, I I wanna pause it. Well, I think that's the that really lines up with the bell curve of it. So you talked a lot about the guys that blow up, right? The guys that get big. On the other side of that are the ones that shut down, where they start to feel any kind of blow up coming and they're so afraid of their response or they're so afraid of the conflict or whatever, if they let out their desires into the world, they just shut down entirely. Brian Alsruhe (22:19.787) Yes. Yep. Yes. Brian Alsruhe (22:34.721) Yes. Tim Wienecke (22:34.976) And I see that kind of polar pattern on anybody's goal development. Like whatever they need help with, they're usually dialed in on one end or the other, where they're either coming at it way too hard all the time on the verge of a break, or so shut down out of fear that they're gonna go to the other side, that nothing moves. Brian Alsruhe (23:00.021) I think and part of that, the hard part about that is if you are under stimulating your nervous system, right? Like if you are constantly running away from things that are scary or things that are hard, you are literally teaching your nervous system. You are programming your brain to see those things as dangerous, and your body and brain will do everything in their power to keep you away from it. So not challenging your central nerve, not challenging your nervous system literally shrinks your world, right? Like you think about people who are agoraphobic. Most people who are glorophobic didn't start that way, right? Like they had a situation, their their nervous system brought an association, and then they saw something else, and that brought an association, and then that lens got there. Just like people can see I see the world through the lens of a victim. Like if you're afraid of everything, you start drawing back, right? And conversely, if you're willing to kind of voluntarily engage regularly in things that are difficult. And things that are scary, then you can build that window of tolerance and it expands your world, right? Like opportunities arise, your your life literally gets better in every sort of sort of way if you're challenging yourself like that. But it's just like lifting weights, right? Like if you do not train your body, you're gonna get atrophy, you're you're gonna lose things, right? Like you've all seen old people who have stopped working out, or even young people who choose not to, right? They lose their ability to use their physical body, and the same thing happens. Tim Wienecke (24:21.43) Can't get out of a chair. Brian Alsruhe (24:28.595) Mentally. If you are not challenging yourself mentally, you will lose that ability and you'll become a weaker and weaker and weaker individual until you are not able to do anything. And you need to restart that, right? But conversely, on the other side, if you're a person who's like, no, I'm gonna go full at it, right? And they go in the gym and they put 800 pounds on a squat bar, that's not gonna end well either, right? And so it's like it needs to be an appropriate amount of stress, and then that stress builds. Tim Wienecke (24:55.083) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (24:56.607) Right. And you keep pushing that window just like lifting, just like running, just like anything. It's how you get better. You know what I mean? Tim Wienecke (25:03.188) Well, and I think that's the trick with it, that like finding the right level of stress on something that is hard for you, something that maybe you don't have an awareness on one end of that pole or the other is really difficult to do on your own. And so let let's talk about that buildup. So if you're working with a guy who is trying to pick up a problem Brian Alsruhe (25:10.155) Yes. Tim Wienecke (25:23.914) and do better with it, but he's shut down. Either he's that guy that hasn't been to the gym in four or five years and is now trying to get back into it, or he's that guy that's just kind of locked up with anxiety and won't engage for the things he wants. How do you help him dial in that stress level? Brian Alsruhe (25:40.277) A lot of times what I do is I apply leverage, right? Because like you mentioned earlier, all humans are moving towards pleasure and away from pain. And a lot of people believe that they're gonna get more pleasure from sitting on the couch and not doing something rather than going to the gym or working out. But everyone who has worked out and had a good workout realizes like it doesn't need to be workout. It could be read a book, it could be playing the piano, it could be going for a walk, could be anything that makes you feel good, right? But like getting up and doing the thing. Tim Wienecke (26:01.237) I feel better. Brian Alsruhe (26:09.874) It's like a magical thing, right? Like it's like it's like a mid I I work out, yes, it expends more energy even when I'm tired, but afterwards my cup is more full than it was before, right? So now I have more to pull pour. And so I think applying leverage and making people realize, like, okay, I understand you don't want to do this and I get it, right? And that's okay. But realize that you're responsible for this decision and consequences are coming. And so if you do not make this change Tim Wienecke (26:21.92) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (26:39.346) What happens, right? Maybe nothing's happening right now, but if if you do not make a change, where are you in three years? Where are you in five years? Where like you know I mean, like start showing them the positive parts of how that change will increase them, but that might not be enough. But sometimes showing people the negative side, like if you don't start doing something, you're not gonna be able to play with your child, right? If you're not doing something, you're not gonna be able to fill in the blank. Something hit that emotional level, right? Combine that with the motivation follows action, action doesn't follow motivation. And that usually gets people started. And then it's just about keeping them consistent. And honestly, a lot of times consistency comes from community. And that's something guys also don't believe in because everyone's wife will go out to coffee with her friend and they see people and they do things. They get their nails. Guys don't see each other, right? We're like, bro, what are you talking about? I have kids. I have a job. I what it we don't hang out anymore. That that ended. Right, exactly. And so like Tim Wienecke (27:33.802) What are we doing? If we're not doing anything, I don't got time. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (27:38.603) But the community holds you. That's why stuff like CrossFit is so was so huge, right? It wasn't because the lifting was great. It wasn't because people were getting amazing results. It's because people went there instead of going to the bar and they had a positive thing to to rally around. And that community can keep you long after any bit of your own personal willpower or motivation or anything wanes. You will show up because someone else is there relying on you, right? Just like a personal trainer. The number of people who hire a personal trainer just 'cause it's an appointment and they'll keep it is there, right? Tim Wienecke (28:07.052) Well I Tim Wienecke (28:11.892) Yep, that's me. I think the the thing you just named there that is so important is those guys that are shut down. There's a lot of isolation in that shutdown. And the it that inertia of stillness develops to the point where trying to go then connect to a community where people are doing well at it feels outlandishly heavy. Brian Alsruhe (28:21.3) Yes. Brian Alsruhe (28:29.3) Yes. Brian Alsruhe (28:38.41) Yes. Tim Wienecke (28:39.37) And so for me, like my I started the trainer a year ago, but I'd hurt myself so many times getting up to that, that I could only go twice a week for a half hour at a time. And now, you know, I'm now I'm doing my three times a week, I'm starting to lift body weight and again everything. But that took a year. And the first like two months of walking into the gym felt terrifying. Like no one's looking at you, nobody cares. But it felt like they did. Brian Alsruhe (29:02.72) Yes it does. It does. Tim Wienecke (29:04.766) And so that community con like I feel like that tends to be the stick that I use for those guys of like, hey, you're alone. This is isolating you. Like, who do you want to be around? And what are they doing? And what is it going to take for you to build up to doing that? Not that you're doing it tomorrow, but what do we need to build in to give you some friction to get there? Whether that's the gym, whether that's having a girlfriend, whether that's getting friends, even if it's gotten dark enough. Brian Alsruhe (29:32.799) Yep, yep, that's the truth. And also I think you hit a good point with the time limit, right? Like if someone you've you've dealt with like some pretty depressed people who like literally getting out of bed is hard, right? And like, but everyone everyone experiences stuff that they don't want to do and you you face procrastination against it, right? But if you just give yourself a time limit of like 10 minutes, right? Say like, let's go back to washing dishes, you gotta fold laundry for 10 minutes, you don't feel like doing it, right? Just give yourself 10 minutes, right? That's a couple commercials. Ten minutes is nothing, right? So start doing it for 10 minutes. And I guarantee at that 10 minutes, you're gonna be like, this wasn't that bad, I'll finish it, right? But if you do not commit and if you get done that 10 minutes and you don't wanna do anymore, stop. You did what you said you were gonna do, right? You've you stuck to your commitment, but that's a check in that box, right? Because a lot of people, they're they've given up on the on their dreams because they've given up on themselves, right? Like they can't trust themselves anymore because so many times I've been like, This is the time I'm gonna start, and then they fail again. Tim Wienecke (30:26.497) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (30:32.424) This is how I'm gonna start and they fail again and then they stop believing themselves and they go, even if they say they're gonna start again, they still subconsciously believe like, yeah, right. Just like every other time, right? Tim Wienecke (30:44.382) Well, and that's these guys with the rigidity of goals, right? Like if it if my thing is is that when I work with guys that are stuck on either end of it, it's because they keep picking unreasonable 10 minutes. Right? Like, like rather than I'm gonna start a conversation with a stranger, it's I'm gonna ask the hot girl in class out. Right. Or I'm gonna go to the gym every day of the week after not going for five years, right? Brian Alsruhe (30:47.424) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (30:57.876) Yep. Yes. That's true. Tim Wienecke (31:12.446) And so for those guys, finding a program or finding a coach to like help them figure out what that 10 minutes you just described actually looks like. Where you try, if you didn't like it, you did the five minutes, it didn't break you. And then maybe you pick something else next time. Or you did it, it was easy and you keep going. But that's hard. On the other end of it, I feel like it's the same equation where it's the guy that's scared of sitting still. It's the guy that, like, if I stop, I lose all this. And never mind that he's running from all the other things he wants to maintain this one aspect of his life. So for that guy, how do you get him to slow down? Brian Alsruhe (31:55.314) Talk about is productivity typically because those guys I deal with a lot of those guys, and it's it's it's the fear of sliding behind, right? And you have to convince them that like more is not always better, right? There's a difference between being busy and being productive, and like if you're wasting your time doing things that aren't actually progressing you towards the end goal, then like that needs to be delegated out, otherwise, you're literally topping yourself, right? Like, there's only so many hours in today. What are you spending them doing? You know what I mean? And Tim Wienecke (31:58.848) Gotta frame it as productivity every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brian Alsruhe (32:25.361) Also, I I I use a lot of parables with people, just like little stories so that they remember things. And I ask them really like, like, what are they doing it for? Right? Because there's some people who don't even know why they're chasing that money or chasing that title or chasing the whatever, right? They're just chasing it because that's what we're supposed to do, right? Like in our society, like, yeah, you make good money, great. You know what's better? Making more money. And you know what's better than that? Making more money than that, right? Like, that's what everyone thinks. Tim Wienecke (32:31.679) Yeah, it helps. Brian Alsruhe (32:52.691) However, if you only need $70,000,000, but if you only need $70,000 to live in this day and age, right? Why are you making $300? Why are you working all the time and spending time away from your family and doing stuff, right? Like, like, what do you want in life and solve for that? Don't solve for what society's telling you or what you think is supposed to be or what Instagram's showing you. Like, what's gonna make you happy, right? Because for some people, like, Tim Wienecke (32:57.607) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (33:18.993) Sitting down every Tuesday night and watching their special show with their wife and having dinner, that's happiness. You don't need to make a million dollars to do that, right? So, like, don't like it, it's really talking about that and figuring out people's priorities because I'll I'll I'll ask them their priorities and I'll be like, okay, let's look at your time, let's audit that. Where's your time go? Why aren't they the same? Right? Like, you a lot of people be like, God, family, whatever. And I'm like, and how much time are you spending on those things, right? Really, it's work. Money, y you know what I mean? And that that's what it is for guys, a lot of times, right? And I you know what? If a guy is out providing for his family and doing stuff, I commend him. That's awesome, right? But if you wanna be better, there's options. Tim Wienecke (33:50.517) Yeah. Work, money, and ego. Yeah. Tim Wienecke (34:03.209) Well, it's it's interesting. Like, a theme that keeps coming up in some of the writing I've been doing is this idea of in a modern society, everything we do to be the guy for it, to get the money for it, to get the status for it, the competition is so fierce that it's gotta become almost singular for a lot of guys. And anything worth doing should have a push, right? Like if you're going into a competition. The month or three, six leading up to that competition, you absolutely should be doing a push. But you can't live in a push and have a complete life. And that's where these guys usually come in for me is they've been in a push for years. They are overclocked and they're like, why don't my kids like me? Why don't I have a girlfriend? Why don't I have all these other things? I'm doing everything to get this thing. Why don't why isn't this productive? And Brian Alsruhe (34:51.295) Yep. Yep. Tim Wienecke (34:58.781) It's the opposite problem with the same all in attitude, right? It's the all in and all out. And helping guys build that middle is where sustainable life and some real goal accomplishes go, right? Like I love when the depressed guy on the couch does his first real push. Right? Like six months into the work, he's got some traction, he's got some legs, and whatever he's working on, he makes a real push for a while. Feels good to see. Right. And then the overachiever, the first vacation he takes. It's always like Brian Alsruhe (35:21.599) Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Brian Alsruhe (35:27.133) Yeah, a hundred percent. Tim Wienecke (35:28.595) Feels like a championship. Brian Alsruhe (35:30.419) Yeah, a hundred percent. It does. And you know what's interesting is I I tried to tell a lot of guys who are in that situation, I'm like, you need to think of yourself almost like a bicycle wheel. Like, you know a bicycle wheel has all the spokes, or at least when you and I grew up a bicycle wheel, you know. And at a at any given time, like each one of those spokes, you have like a physical spoke, you have an emotional spoke, you have a family spoke, you have an occupation, a financial you have all these spokes, right? And if at any given time one of those spokes becomes neglected or broken or rusty or whatever. Tim Wienecke (35:42.064) Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brian Alsruhe (36:00.126) Your ride's gonna get a lot rougher, right? Like you need to stay balanced in this, otherwise, your life is gonna get out of control. And I I'm I've been so guilty of that in my past. Be because the thing is that these things don't they're not like mutually exclusive. You know what I mean? Like a guy can be great in the gym and terrible at home, or a guy can be amazing at work and terrible at home or or whatever. And it's really it's like A lot of it does come down to your emotional regulation and where you're spending your energy, right? Because if you are constantly running up here the whole time, like I I tell a lot of my athletes when they go to competition, if you watch somebody else do something, like you get you get amped up, right? Like when you watch Michael Phelps, I'm not into swimming whatsoever, right? Like I I c I swim like a rock. But when I watch Michael Phelps, right? Tim Wienecke (36:49.331) But I love watching a dude crush it. Brian Alsruhe (36:51.645) I watch Michael Phelps jump in the water and I'm up off the couch and I'm screaming until that race is done. And I sit down and I'm exhausted, right? Because during that time, my sympathetic kicked up. I was with him, right? And in a competition, you'll see guys do that with other people. And like, that's what's going on in people's lives all day long, right? Like you're in there, you're in the office, some dude tells you a story and you get ramped up right with him, right? And then something happens, you get and like the the Everything is building up around you all the time, and we don't feel it, and then we explode and we don't know why. Right? Like, why am I like this? And then we beat ourselves up for that. And it really comes down like you're not looking throughout the day about keeping yourself at a good set point so that emotionally, when bad things happen, you're able to do something. And that that's why I'm so big on doing hard things. It's not suffering for the sake of suffering, it's we suffer. So that later when discomfort comes into our lives, it does not make the decisions for us. Right? If that starts happening, life starts happening to you instead of you happening to life, and that is not a good place to operate from. When your circumstances are making your decisions, you are you are out of control. You need to do something. Tim Wienecke (38:03.347) The worst people feel is when they feel like they don't have a choice. Every time. I my quote that always runs through my head in these moments is pain without purpose is suffering. And so the pain of stillness, right? If there's never a payoff to that stillness, you're just suffering. The pain of being overactioned and never having a moment to reflect or feel, like that's just suffering. Brian Alsruhe (38:06.706) Hundred percent. Yep. Brian Alsruhe (38:16.07) That's good. Yeah. Tim Wienecke (38:32.029) Until you have your reasons, until you have your drives under you, nothing changes. Yeah. Well, so for the for the guys that like can't get to a coach, but maybe they can get to a program, right? Maybe they can find like the thing they're listening for. So your stuff is for like high attribu high achievers, guys that are like already kind of crushing it a little bit, looking to crush it a lot more, right? Brian Alsruhe (38:37.382) Completely with you. Completely agree. Brian Alsruhe (38:58.184) Yeah. Yep. That that I would say that's my sweet spot. Tim Wienecke (39:01.631) Yeah. So those guys, what should they look for to make sure they're not just adding to their burnout and getting another checklist? Brian Alsruhe (39:11.718) That's a question. I think Brian Alsruhe (39:17.064) I think it really comes down to the quality of your hours, like what you're spending your time doing, right? Because we've all heard about like the tenth hour ten thousand hour rule, how like ten thousand hours will make you a mass or something, right? And then that kind of got disproved. But it didn't get disproved. What got disproved was the type of practice, right? Because like if Yes, it's deliberate practice, right? So like if you're gonna learn how to play the piano, if you just sit down and you're okay at the piano and you just sit down and you play every day, or you go in the gym and you just lift every day and you're okay. Tim Wienecke (39:33.363) It's quality hours versus just hours. Brian Alsruhe (39:46.053) Studies show that literally in time you get worse. You just continually get worse, right? You need to do deliberate practice that typically isn't fun, but it's going to make you better. So if you're playing piano, that's doing the scales or working the drills or whatever, where you're like, this is so tedious. That's what makes you better. Spending the time doing that when you're in gym, working your technique, working, breathing, embracing, doing the correct things will get you so much further than just going in and just trying to smash stuff. So I personally believe that like the quality of time that you're spending doing the thing, especially when it comes to a physical activity, right? Because doing more does not does not equate better results. If if somebody wanted to deadlift 800 pounds, I would not tell them to deadlift every day. That will end you in a hospital with CNS fatigue, adrenal problems. It it will it will ruin you. It will literally ruin your life, right? So there has to be the right amount of stimulus and the right amount of recovery. And that comes down to the quality of hours that you're actually spending. Tim Wienecke (40:44.949) So those guys that are already kind of like paying really hard, their programs need to validate the effort that this is the effort to move forward, but it also has to have limits. This is when the deadlift stops, this is when the next thing stops. If they never mention a recovery day, they're a bad program. Brian Alsruhe (40:58.75) Yes. Brian Alsruhe (41:07.986) Yes. Even on mine, like I I do not program more than four days a week because the programming's so intense, right? Like literally your body cannot, your central nervous system cannot recover from the damage that you're doing it to it. So guys will be like, Well, can I add some running? Can I do some rucking? Can I do some whatever? I'm like, no, no. If you do that, you're going to get worse results. Like more does not equal better, right? Like people need to understand that. With food, with sex, with everything. More, it's about quality over quantity. Tim Wienecke (41:25.823) Not for powerlifting. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (41:37.339) And if you actually put the time in to do the research and do the correct things, you're gonna end up so much further than the person just getting in and just going after it. Right. So I I really think it comes down to looking at what you're doing. even technique, man. Like technique is is such a thing and it's it's just the correct tools, right? Tim Wienecke (41:58.54) Well, and it's where everybody gets hurt. Well, and so the the trick then is, I mean, you've been in the industry for a while now, and I'm sure you've seen some competitors advertising the wrong way, putting out the wrong plan. So one, it sounds like look for somebody who can get amped, right? Somebody who can match your energy, but then look for how they tell people to rest. And if you never hear them say a rest, if you never hear them say anything about balance. That's probably just gonna make you more into your checklist and burning out. Is that a reasonable reflection? Nice. Brian Alsruhe (42:33.374) Yep. I would say that. And I'd I'd also say find someone who's been there and done that, right? Like you and I have talked about that. Even with like with finding the correct counselor, finding the correct coach, like interview people, right? Like you need that connection. There needs to be a link. If there's not a link, this is not going to work, right? Like you need somebody who understands where you've been, what you're going through. They've been there, they've seen it, they've done it, right? Like and I mean a lot of people Okay. Okay. Tim Wienecke (42:46.442) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (42:57.961) Well, I'll push on you there. I'll push on you there. So you need someone who's walked with people, right? I've never been an operator. I've never shot anybody. I work with a lot of guys who have. And don't get me wrong, man, early on, that was I'm not gonna lie, man. That first two years of working with you guys, it was rough. Like it took it took some reps and some supervision. Ten years later, I wanna like I've got the experience to help you. Brian Alsruhe (43:06.396) I'll give that. Sure. Sure. Tim Wienecke (43:26.089) And so this is the trick, right? When what I see in recovery community and what I see in fitness is there's kind of two takes. It's either be with somebody who's been there and done that can guide you, or be with somebody who knows how to help you, but look for the proof and the pudding. Like what did they do? What education do they get? Who've they worked with before that means they're gonna be able to help you get what you want? Brian Alsruhe (43:48.882) Give you that. I'll give you that. Cause even in the strength world, it there's a big, big controversy. Like, does your trainer need to look like they train? Because you can have the knowledge, right? But I'm here to tell you: like, if someone has not done an 800-pound deadlift, I will not take deadlift advice from them because they don't know, right? And it's like, I will never take financial advice from a poor guy, I'll never take nutritional advice from an overweight person because they're not doing it. There's a level of trust that I can't trust you in that. Tim Wienecke (44:18.855) And some people hold that. And if that's what someone needs, look for that. But I will point out that most coaches in professional sports cannot do anything their athletes do or ever done it. Brian Alsruhe (44:20.945) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (44:29.853) I very much agree, but most coaches in professional sports did not get to professional sports doing the stuff that those coaches make them do now. Tim Wienecke (44:30.897) Ha ha ha. Tim Wienecke (44:37.803) Yeah, a hundred percent. It is it does get weird. Like the it it feels like the more we know, the weirder it looks from the outside, which is kinda cool. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (44:45.915) Yeah. It's it's a strange thing, man. Like high performance is a strange thing and what takes people to the next level is completely individual to that person, right? Because what works for one is not gonna work for another and the higher performance it is, the more individualized it becomes because you're really unlacking that psyche to get them to do what they n they do well well, you know. Tim Wienecke (45:08.883) Yeah. Well, I think that's also a good point for this for the high performers. If you're already at that level where you're pinging really hard and someone pitches you do their program and then with no assessment. Where they're not saying, if this is where you are, this is your program, as opposed to my program gets you there, right? If they don't start with it takes this person there, that's probably a red flag too. Brian Alsruhe (45:33.223) Yeah. Yeah, I I totally agree with that. Tim Wienecke (45:38.124) Alright man, so let's give the guys on the other side some attention now. So that guy who is either, you know, like me, right? I had an injury and it just wrecked me. Or the guy who's never had success enough to get up off the floor trying to do something, what does that program look like? If that guy's looking for something, how does he find the right fit? Brian Alsruhe (45:47.057) Yep. Yep. Brian Alsruhe (46:02.481) I think you need somebody who has the heart of a teacher, right? Because like if you come in and they just want you to like go, go, go, go, go, that's probably not where they're at, and they're probably gonna end up pushing too hard too fast because they're pushing at the rate that they push everyone else, right? And when people first start, it's like anything else. Like it it takes a long time to kind of build that momentum. And you need to be very gentle in building that momentum so that it it builds a secure connection so that they will continue to to trust and go, right? And so I think finding somebody who has the heart of a teacher that starts out with the very basics, right? Like if they throw you you in and you are just going, I don't think that's right. If if your trainer does not start by teaching you breathing and bracing, you are going to get have a back injury before the time that you're done with that. All right. If like anybody out there is working with somebody and you do not know the term breathing and bracing, learn it. Okay, because that is what's gonna keep you safe for the rest of your life. I've broken my back twice. Learned how to breathe embrace, have never injured again, and I've become stronger ever since then. Right. So, like, but that type of thing, right? Like injury prevention, because the worst thing in the world is starting to make progress and then getting a little tweak or getting hurt, and then you need to stop. And that's completely demoralizing, right? So the first thing is teaching people how to bulletproof themselves so that they can have confidence, whatever you tell them to do, they're gonna be safe, right? And also having someone with enough experience, like Tim Wienecke (47:15.21) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (47:26.789) Like I can look at somebody if they if they deadlift six hundred pounds for a set of three, I can look at and be like, You can do six fifty for one, right? Like I I can see how the weight moved just because I have that experience. If a person doesn't have a lot of experience, just be really careful if you're a beginner, right? 'Cause that's even scarier than an advanced person working with somebody who doesn't really know what they're doing, right? 'Cause at least they'll question. Tim Wienecke (47:43.019) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (47:50.697) Yeah. Yeah. Well, and that's that's my thing, man. Like I watch it clinically all the time. Like I've talked about before on here. I'm usually guys second or third therapist, right? They start with some gal to go work on their emotional problems and she jumps them too far or too deep without any like here's how you breathe through it, here's how you handle discomfort instead of like just, Hey, this is what sad is. Now you can name it. That's not enough, right? Brian Alsruhe (48:11.293) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (48:16.007) Yep. That's so huge for guys. Tim Wienecke (48:19.838) Yeah, it's not enough. Like this is what that feeling is. Okay. and I think the the same kind of truth happens on either end, where if they're not speaking to where you are and saying that I've helped people from where you are to where you're going explicitly, and you feel yourself in that, it's probably the wrong program for you. Right. Not everybody can get in front of a coach like you that can look at their deadlift and tell them what to do, but they can find a channel with a guy that gives them a path, right? And so look for that. And the same thing goes if you're looking for a therapist or a development coach, right? Get on the phone with them and then have them describe your problem back to you. And if you don't hear yourself, they're not the person to help you. Brian Alsruhe (49:02.353) Yeah, I agree. Completely agree with that. There needs to be a bond. Tim Wienecke (49:04.105) Yeah. Yeah. Well and man, there's enough really good programs out there. Like I think this is the other thing. A lot of times it's not that it's a bad program, it's that it's the wrong one for that guy. And we just see where we wanna be. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (49:17.979) And for a lot of times a a lot of times with programs, people jump, right? Because the next shiny thing comes out and they're like, ooh, maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's the the the thing that's gonna solve it. And honestly, man, consistency, no. No, you need to you need to see things through like everything else in life, right? Like you need to finish one thing, move on to the next. And life is about seasons, like you said. Like sometimes you're redlining it, other times you're not, but Tim Wienecke (49:26.975) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (49:31.444) They never get good. Yeah. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (49:45.627) You can't red line all the time, you can't not all the time. There needs to be seasons, you know. Tim Wienecke (49:49.661) Absolutely. Absolutely, man. So hopefully the guys listening got out of this where to start. If they wanted to get in touch with you, if they wanted to get some help and some recommendations, like is that something that you do on your channel? Nice. Brian Alsruhe (50:05.479) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I of course I have a YouTube channel, all instructional, both lifting stuff as well as like some mentality stuff. a little bit of applied psychology and things, and that's my name, Brian Alzru. so that's there. Got about a quarter of a million followers on that. And then but if you email me at never sate dot com, never sate, not never state, all right, but never sate as in sate, like satiated, like never satiated, right? If you just email me at never say gmail dot com, let me know what you're looking for and I can point you in the right direction 'cause I offer counseling, I offer coaching, different things 'cause of state lines and stuff, it all it all changes. But yeah, I worked with all different levels of people. So Tim Wienecke (50:44.595) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (50:48.69) And one and that's the big thing too. Like guys, if you're listening to this and you're looking for a counselor, you're looking for strength training, you're looking for something, never hesitate to reach out. The people that do it well and do it really well, never mind giving somebody five minutes for a nudge. Right? Like Brian will reply to you, I'll reply to you. Most people who are at the top of their field, either they or their assistants has an answer for you. So don't feel bad about reaching out, even if you know you're not going to be able to go with one of us. Brian Alsruhe (51:04.007) Yeah. Yeah. Tim Wienecke (51:16.606) Hopefully we can give you some direction. Just don't do this on your own. It's okay to need a little bit of a nudge. So I want to go through and learn a little bit more about your individual struggles. Man, we've talked a little bit offline. I adore you. I think you're fucking awesome. thanks, man. and hopefully the guys listening have too. If you haven't, subscribe. Brian is one of many great guys we've had on, and hopefully we keep getting you the information that you want. Brian Alsruhe (51:30.055) Yeah. I think you're awesome. Tim Wienecke (51:45.3) And if there's something you want covered, man, let me know. And either I'll cover it or I'll find a really good person like Brian to cover it. So for you, man, what is a truth about masculinity you learned before you were twelve that's remained true through your life? Brian Alsruhe (52:00.698) Well, I I had a dad who like if you looked up man in the dictionary, that's him, right? Like a a lot of us have that, right? Like that that's him. And he taught I have two older sisters and he taught me at a very young age that boys are different than girls, and I know that's not popular to say now, but that's how I was raised and that's what I learned, right? And he taught me about ownership very, very early. And some people may not agree with this and that's fine. But like something that I truly believe in has has been A beacon throughout my entire life is the only difference between who you are today and who you'll be five years from now comes down to all the decisions that you make between now and then. And every single decision that you make is either moving you closer towards or further away from the person that you want to be, and there is no decision that is of no consequence. Like literally every single decision matters because it's like bricks in a wall, right? Like You make a bad decision, you're more likely to make another bad decision. That will you'll start stacking those bricks. You make a good decision, right? Like it works that way. And so my whole life, that and and understanding that like yes, bad things happen, right? Because I've had a lot of bad things happening in my life. We are not defined by the things that happen to us. We're defined by how we respond to things that the how we respond to the things that happen to us, right? And Tim Wienecke (53:17.641) Yeah, yeah. Brian Alsruhe (53:19.928) It that those those things still to this day, that's one of the biggest pieces of advice I give to people. Whenever they kid they don't know what to do, I'm like, who do you want to be? Right? The man that you wanna be, if you're doing your workout, right, and you're on eight reps and you wanna stop, who do you wanna be? You wanna be the dude who stops or you wanna be the dude who finishes the set? Act accordingly, right? Like you wanna lose weight? Yep. Because we're all so much, because we're all so much in more control of our lives than we believe. Tim Wienecke (53:40.264) And that ownership of choice, right? Like that's that's the distinction. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (53:48.667) Right? It just feels that way because we feel like we're a product of our circumstances, but we're not. We're a product of what we've done with our circumstances. Every single interesting person that you've ever met in your entire life, or you've ever looked up to, had a point in their life where they had that story of like, I was homeless. I lived in my car, blah, blah, whatever, right? And they'll all tell you that they could not have gotten here without learning the lessons there. You know what I mean? So Henry David Thoreau has an amazing quote of most men live lives of quiet desperation, they die with their songs inside of them. Right. And each one of us has a song. We're put here for a reason, right? Most of our songs never get discovered. The reason why is because of hardship. Because most people, when hardship happens, it knocks them off the path. And that becomes the reason why their song never gets gets written. And they become that dude who's like, I could have I could've made pro if I wouldn't have blown out my knee in the state game. Like we all know that guy, right? Or it becomes the reason, it becomes the most interesting part of your success story, right? So hardships are opportunities. And the sooner that you can start seeing it like that and controlling your choices around them, you get control of your life. Tim Wienecke (54:53.748) Well, and I think the choice there that I always highlight for a lot of overperformers is there is a choice of recovery or collapse. Brian Alsruhe (55:04.7) That's very true. Tim Wienecke (55:04.882) Like sometimes you go to hit that ninth and you pop something, right? And then you've got to make the choice, am I recovering? Am I stopping? Or I'm gonna make it worse? And I kept making it worse, which is why I ended up sitting still for years. Right. And so I love that your dad taught you the power of choice and the power of action, man. I think that's something that almost any guy can get something out of. Brian Alsruhe (55:08.304) Yep. Hundred percent. Tim Wienecke (55:30.479) So what's a brief time that pursuit of your masculinity hurt you? Brian Alsruhe (55:37.137) I think pretty much my whole life, right? we talked briefly about it, but when I was like five, I was the victim of a violent home invasion where my sisters and I were home alone. Guy came in with a gun, intended to kill us, we escaped, never slept again since, right? And from that point forward, that's why I have muscles, right? I decided I would never be a victim. So the people that I knew at the time growing up in the eighties, Arnold, Sylvester Salone, He-Man, Ninja Turtles, right? They all have muscles. I was You have muscles. Tim Wienecke (56:05.598) Big dudes. Brian Alsruhe (56:06.736) They you don't you don't get pushed around. And so I started building muscle. I started building armor, right? And it's changed over the years, of course. But like this is something that I carry around with me all the time and people automatically judge me because I have a mean face and I walk around like this. And so I need I literally need to like be hyper nice to people right off the bat. So like, he's not he's not what I thought he was, right? And it's like, it's something I battle constantly because people look at me and they're You are man, and I'm like, but Tim Wienecke (56:29.694) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (56:35.722) But but I like things. Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like that armor well it sounds like that armor really made you feel isolated, right? That those muscles that made you feel safe in the world after that terrible thing. And it has largely made you safe. Like no one's fucking with you, you're goddamn huge. And you had to figure out how to pull up your mace max and show a goofy smile to get connected. Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (56:35.814) But I talk about feelings all the time. Like you know, I cry a lot. Brian Alsruhe (56:46.364) Yep. Yep. Brian Alsruhe (56:51.003) Yeah. Brian Alsruhe (56:55.91) Yep, a hundred percent. Yep, a hundred yep. Tim Wienecke (57:01.308) And tell us about a time where that pursuit of masculinity empowered you. Brian Alsruhe (57:07.94) I think I was doing counterterrorism, decided that I didn't want to do that anymore, and quit my job. Literally just walked in, quit my job, which is something you don't do in the government, and didn't have a plan, didn't have money, didn't have anything, decided to start a gym. And I could have went the same path that everyone else went, where gyms were going at the time, or I was like, I'm gonna hold a standard and I'm gonna treat this just like if it was like selection for a military thing. Like this is not for everybody. This is for special people who are willing to do things that other people are not willing to do. And it ended up being mainly soccer moms. Because they were the ones who weren't afraid. They weren't intimidated to go pick up a big rock instead of like, no, I'm big strong guy. And it it just, even though it was like a masculine approach, that approach of like Being inclusive of people who were just willing to have a harder mindset changed everything and it brought what literally people moved from like Nigeria to our gym that doesn't even have bathrooms or running water. Like they literally moved to another country to train at our gym just because of the mindset. So I think holding that standard, but not the masculine, like douchebag masculine, but like the the masculine, like, no, we hold a standard and no matter what, like we we answer the call, you know? And it built something that I never could have dreamed. Tim Wienecke (58:22.474) Yeah. Tim Wienecke (58:25.876) Well, and accepting that masculine isn't male, that like that that kind of energy is for whoever wants to show up for it. And it's gonna be a lot of big dudes. It's gonna be a lot of big dudes. It's also gonna be a soccer mom that can outsquat me. All right, man. Well, thank you so much for being here, man. I love the work you're putting into the world and I'm so happy we got to connect. Brian Alsruhe (58:29.328) Yes, I completely agree. Brian Alsruhe (58:40.06) You wanna believe, man. You wanna believe. Brian Alsruhe (58:49.062) Same, same, absolutely. This won't be the last time, all right?