The American Masculinity Podcast is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and award-winning men's advocate. Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, trauma, fatherhood, leadership, and growth. Each episode offers expert insight and practical tools to help men show up differently — as partners, fathers, friends, and leaders. No yelling. No clichés. Just grounded, thoughtful masculinity for a changing world.

Being a man today often means being asked to lead without ever being taught how. Strength is still expected. Responsibility is still assumed. But the models for authority, leadership, and masculinity are increasingly thin, either rigid and domineering or so hands-off they leave men unformed. Many men are left wondering how to hold power without becoming the thing they once feared.

In this episode, host Timothy sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist and leadership consultant Logan Cohen. Logan’s work involves working with traumatized youth in wilderness therapy. His current role is developing leaders in high-pressure industries. Together, they explore what healthy masculine leadership actually looks like when safety, trust, and accountability all matter.

This conversation moves through violence and restraint, power and humility, and the difference between domination and authority. Logan shares formative stories, from growing up around abuse and survival, to a pivotal moment in the wilderness where choosing restraint over force reshaped an entire group dynamic. Together, they unpack how men learn to take hits, build resilience, and lead without needing to control.

You’ll hear us break down:

• Leadership without domination: Why fear-based authority only works once, and how trust creates lasting influence.
• Fairness and vulnerability as strength: How consistency, boundaries, and emotional regulation build real loyalty in groups.
• Taking the hit on purpose: Why the ability to absorb pain, without collapsing or retaliating, is central to masculine maturity.
• Wilderness lessons for modern men: What working with violent, traumatized youth reveals about power, safety, and group dynamics.
• False independence vs. earned resilience: How extreme self-reliance isolates men and undermines leadership.
• The window of tolerance: How men expand their capacity for stress, responsibility, and growth without burning out.
• Mentorship and generativity: Why older men are often waiting to be asked—and why younger men need guides more than motivation.

We explore the tension between comfort and integrity, safety and growth, and strength and compassion. This episode isn’t about softening men or glorifying toughness. It’s about forming men who can hold authority without fear, lead others without crushing them, and build lives that are both demanding and meaningful.

Guest Information

• Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with over 20 years of experience working with individuals, couples, families, and complex group systems under high stress.
• Level II Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, specializing in trauma recovery, emotional regulation, and leadership development in high-conflict environments.
• Founder of True North Leadership Solutions, where he designs custom leadership development programs for organizations, particularly in manufacturing and operationally demanding industries.
• Bridges clinical psychology, systems theory, and real-world leadership to help men lead with clarity, fairness, and emotional intelligence without sacrificing strength.
• Focus areas include masculine leadership, trauma-informed systems work, emotional resilience, mentorship, group dynamics, and expanding men’s capacity to lead under pressure.

Note: Logan Cohen appears in this interview in a personal and professional capacity. The views expressed are his own and do not represent any licensing boards, professional associations, or organizations with whom he may be affiliated.

We fact-checked these claims against a mix of classical moral/ethical thought and contemporary empirical research in social psychology, conflict de-escalation, leadership studies, and restorative practices. Below are the most important confirmations and clarifications for accuracy and nuance.

1. Fairness and Vulnerability as Deterrents to Harm

What was said: “ If you are fair and vulnerable with people, they lose a taste for harming you pretty quickly.” (Logan)

Status: Partly true, needs clarification.

Detail: In many interpersonal and organizational contexts, behaviours that convey fairness, regret, vulnerability, or transparent concern, such as an apology, calm, non-provocative communication, or an authentic disclosure by a leader, tend to decrease reactive aggression, boost trust, and promote reconciliation, according to experimental and applied research. For instance, controlled laboratory research reveals that apologies lead victims to respond more prosocially toward the offender and reduce their reactive punishment.

However, the impact varies depending on the situation. These tactics are most effective for individuals who still value ongoing relationships, mutual respect, and societal norms. When someone exhibits strong antisocial tendencies, instrumental violence, or predatory intent, they are less trustworthy. In certain situations, vulnerability may raise danger rather than lessen harm. Fairness and vulnerability are most effective when combined with situational awareness, limits, and safety considerations, according to conflict de-escalation research.

Source: Beyens, U., Yu, H., Han, T., Zhang, L., & Zhou, X. (2015). The strength of a remorseful heart: Psychological and neural basis of how apology emolliates reactive aggression and promotes forgiveness. Frontiers in psychology, 6, 1611. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26579005/

Baquero, A. (2023). Authentic leadership, employee work engagement, trust in the leader, and workplace well-being: A moderated mediation model. Psychology research and behavior management, 1403-1424. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.2147/PRBM.S407672

Why it matters for men: In many, but not all, circumstances, leading with fairness plus calibrated vulnerability is an effective, empirically supported de-escalation and trust-building tactic. Although they are effective tools for leadership and de-escalation, fairness and vulnerability are not moral armour. Men can avoid shame-based passivity while rejecting aggressiveness as an identity by understanding when vulnerability fosters trust and when it calls for strict limits. Here, discernment, rather than exposure without protection, is strength.

c. Security Through Resilience

What was said: “There are kind of two ways to live a secure life. One is avoid problems and pain… build a life of security and safety… but then you cannot create a perfect world and a perfect safety that feels any kind of fulfilling. On the other end of it, you need to know how to take the hit of whatever’s coming.” (Tim)

Status: True, but needs a little clarification.

Details: The assertion is based on a well-established psychological and philosophical idea: acquiring the ability to tolerate and adjust to pain rather than just avoiding it is what leads to long-term stability and fulfilment. External arrangements, safety, riches, and stability, according to Stoic philosophers, are intrinsically brittle and cannot ensure a happy life. Instead of trying to control outcomes, Epictetus stressed that tranquillity comes from improving one's judgment and reaction to situations.

This notion is supported by contemporary psychology. According to research on resilience, adaptive coping, emotional control, and meaning-making under adversity are more important for well-being than the absence of adversity. In the short term, avoidance-based tactics may lessen discomfort, but over time, they are linked to increasing psychological rigidity, anxiety, and susceptibility.

The phrase needs to be clarified, though, as resilience does not conflict with risk management, safety, or planning. Preparation together with the capacity to take impact is the healthiest and most appropriate framing, not avoidance vs toughness. Durable well-being is predicted by psychological flexibility, which is the ability to prepare realistically while embracing ambiguity.

Source: Carter, E. (1759). All the works of Epictetus, Which are now Extant;... His Discourses, preserved by Arrian, in four books, the Enchiridion, and fragments. Translated from the original Greek, by Elizabeth Carter. With an introduction, and notes, by the translator. Hulton Bradley. https://books.google.com.pk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=DVpZAAAAcAAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR37&dq=Epictetus.+(ca.+125+CE).+Enchiridion+(E.+Carter,+Trans.).+In+The+Discourses+and+Enchiridion.+Dover+Publications.&ots=fd3JIDTSbt&sig=nCP5h_-aYxTJzQrJA6fH4pOQxXw&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false

Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical psychology review, 30(7), 865-878. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735810000413

Why it matters for men:

A lot of guys are conditioned to think that security is being in charge, protected, and unshakeable. When faced with actual stress, such as a job loss, marital breakdown, illness, or failure, this belief crumbles. A more stable masculinity based on resilience, adaptability, and grounded self-trust rather than brittle control is fostered by viewing security as the ability to "take the hit" without losing one's identity.

3. Impostor Syndrome in Young Men Entering Leadership Roles

What was said: “One of the things I see with younger guys trying to step into leadership roles that’s kind of hard is that they feel impostor syndrome because they’re leading in places they haven’t been before.” (Tim)

Status: True.

Details: The fundamental finding that people, particularly those in their early careers, sometimes feel like imposters when they take on new or high-responsibility responsibilities is widely supported by research. The impostor phenomenon is especially common during role transitions, such as first-time leadership roles, promotions, or unfamiliar professional situations, according to studies in organizational and leadership psychology. One of the main causes of these emotions is the discrepancy between internal self-evaluation ("I'm not ready") and external validation ("You're in charge now").

It should be noted that in this instance, impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern of self-doubt that might afflict exceptional achievers rather than a clinical diagnosis. Second, although younger professionals have a well-documented experience, it is neither unique to men nor limited to them. According to research, emotions of imposter syndrome tend to lessen with experience and skill, but they can reappear whenever a person takes on additional responsibilities.

Crucially, research on leadership indicates that emotions of imposter syndrome frequently reflect accurate knowledge of novelty rather than incapacity. Effective performance and development can coexist with feeling uneasy in unfamiliar leadership area. Instead of causing paralysis, creative management of this discomfort can encourage learning, humility, and skill growth.

Source: Bravata, D. M., Watts, S. A., Keefer, A. L., Madhusudhan, D. K., Taylor, K. T., Clark, D. M., ... & Hagg, H. K. (2020). Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of impostor syndrome: a systematic review. Journal of general internal medicine, 35(4), 1252-1275. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11606-019-05364-1

Why it matters for men: Instead of seeing imposter syndrome as a natural reaction to development and responsibility, many men see it as proof that they are unworthy or failing. Overcompensation, emotional disengagement, or complete avoidance of leadership opportunities might result from this misperception. Men can lead with confidence, curiosity, and integrity when they transition into roles they have never held before by viewing impostor syndrome as a developmental indication rather than a personal shortcoming.

4. Safety, Comfort, and Integrity Are Not the Same

What was said: “Safety and comfort are absolutely not the same thing. And that comfort and integrity are often in juxtaposition.” (Logan)

Status: True with clarification.

Details: The claim has extensive philosophical and psychological support, but it needs to be interpreted carefully to prevent misunderstandings. Comfort is defined as emotional ease, familiarity, or lack of distress, whereas safety is defined as protection from bodily or psychological harm. Research consistently makes a distinction between the two: comfort can exist in hazardous or unethical circumstances (e.g., avoidance, compliance, or silence in the face of wrongdoing), while discomfort can exist in safe conditions (e.g., difficult conversations, moral stands).

Stoicism and Aristotelian ethics are two philosophical traditions that highlight how moral integrity frequently necessitates actions that cause discomfort, such as speaking the truth, maintaining boundaries, or suffering temporary loss in exchange for long-term virtue. Research on values-based action and psychological flexibility in contemporary psychology reflects this dichotomy, demonstrating that people who act in accordance with their beliefs frequently feel uncomfortable but eventually find more significance and well-being.

Because neither discomfort nor comfort are intrinsically good or bad, clarification is required. Neither self-betrayal nor suffering for its own purpose are necessary for integrity or safety. Particularly when preserving comfort necessitates sacrificing one's morals or shirking obligations, tension occurs.

Source: Carter, E. (1759). All the works of Epictetus, Which are now Extant;... His Discourses, preserved by Arrian, in four books, the Enchiridion, and fragments. Translated from the original Greek, by Elizabeth Carter. With an introduction, and notes, by the translator. https://books.google.com.pk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=DVpZAAAAcAAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR37&dq=Epictetus.+(ca.+125+CE).+Enchiridion+(E.+Carter,+Trans.).+In+The+Discourses+and+Enchiridion.+Dover+Publications.&ots=fd3JIDTSbt&sig=nCP5h_-aYxTJzQrJA6fH4pOQxXw&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false

Crisp, R. (Ed.). (2014). Aristotle: nicomachean ethics. Cambridge University Press. 
https://books.google.com.pk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=-fhkBAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR6&dq=Nicomachean+Ethics+Aristotle&ots=8nOPdq6CYp&sig=jHvIBXBeJ46jMIBQWDnQrCeZjHM&redir_
esc=y#v=onepage&q=Nicomachean%20Ethics%20Aristotle&f=false

Why it matters for men: Many males are conditioned to prioritize comfort, avoiding conflict, suppressing their emotions, or seeking approval from others. They do this while thinking they are protecting their safety. Over time, relationships, integrity, and self-respect may be damaged by this uncertainty. Men can act with courage and clarity, particularly in leadership, relationships, and moral decision-making, when they recognize that safe choices can still be difficult.

5. Humans Need a Full Range of Experiences

What was said: “Humans really need and desire a full range of experiences… Rumi, an old Indian ascetic, said, ‘variety is the spice of life.’” (Logan)

Status: Needs clarification.

Details: Modern psychology provides strong support for the central hypothesis, which is that people gain psychological benefits from a variety of experiences. Exposure to a variety of emotional, social, and cognitive experiences promotes psychological development, resilience, and life satisfaction, according to research on well-being, self-determination, and meaning. According to positive psychology, living a full life involves challenges, struggles, novelty, and even discomfort in addition to pleasure.

But the attribution needs to be clarified. First, Rumi was not of Indian origin. Second, the phrase "variety is the spice of life" does not come from Rumi. "Variety's the very spice of life" is an English proverb that is frequently credited to William Cowper, who wrote it in The Task (1785).

Source: Sambrook, J. (2016). William Cowper: The Task and Selected Other Poems. Routledge. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781315538495/william-cowper-james-sambrook

Why it matters for men: Many males are trained to limit their emotional range in the name of strength or control, either directly or implicitly. This explanation, supported by research, confirms that the ability to experience and integrate the whole range of human life, rather than emotional limitations, is the source of psychological well-being.

Full Citations/Further Reading

Baquero, A. (2023). Authentic leadership, employee work engagement, trust in the leader, and workplace well-being: A moderated mediation model. Psychology research and behavior management, 1403-1424. https://doi.org/10.2147/PRBM.S407672

Beyens, U., Yu, H., Han, T., Zhang, L., & Zhou, X. (2015). The strength of a remorseful heart: Psychological and neural basis of how apology emolliates reactive aggression and promotes forgiveness. Frontiers in psychology, 6, 1611. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01611

Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events?. American psychologist, 59(1), 20. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.59.1.20.

Bravata, D. M., Watts, S. A., Keefer, A. L., Madhusudhan, D. K., Taylor, K. T., Clark, D. M., ... & Hagg, H. K. (2020). Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of impostor syndrome: a systematic review. Journal of general internal medicine, 35(4), 1252-1275. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11606-019-05364-1

Carter, E. (1759). All the works of Epictetus, Which are now Extant;... His Discourses, preserved by Arrian, in four books, the Enchiridion, and fragments. Translated from the original Greek, by Elizabeth Carter. With an introduction, and notes, by the translator. https://books.google.com.pk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=DVpZAAAAcAAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR37&dq=Epictetus.+(ca.+125+CE).+Enchiridion+(E.+Carter,+Trans.).+In+The+Discourses+and+Enchiridion.+Dover+Publications.&ots=fd3JIDTSbt&sig=nCP5h_-aYxTJzQrJA6fH4pOQxXw&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false

Crisp, R. (Ed.). (2014). Aristotle: nicomachean ethics. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9780511802058.

Hallett, N., & Dickens, G. L. (2017). De-escalation of aggressive behaviour in healthcare settings: Concept analysis. International journal of nursing studies, 75, 10-20. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijnurstu.2017.07.003

Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical psychology review, 30(7), 865-878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2024). Self-determination theory. In Encyclopedia of quality of life and well-being research (pp. 6229-6235). Cham: Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_1162-1

Sambrook, J. (2016). William Cowper: The Task and Selected Other Poems. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315538495