The American Masculinity Podcast is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and award-winning men's advocate. Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, trauma, fatherhood, leadership, and growth. Each episode offers expert insight and practical tools to help men show up differently — as partners, fathers, friends, and leaders. No yelling. No clichés. Just grounded, thoughtful masculinity for a changing world.

Being a present father isn’t about perfection. It’s about intention. It’s what you do in the tiny windows between work, exhaustion, and everything else pulling at you. It’s the choice to show up, even when time is tight, and life is loud.

In this episode, licensed therapist Timothy sits down with Marine Major and children’s author Olaolu Ogunyemi. He explores modern fatherhood through discipline, community, and the evolving identity of men in today’s world. Together, they walk through what it means to lead without dominating, love without disappearing into work, and parent with both structure and vulnerability.

You’ll hear us break down:

• Presence vs. proximity: Why being physically home isn’t the same as being emotionally available.
• Role transitions that actually work: How to shift from major to dad, from leader to listener, without losing yourself.
• Discipline as teaching, not punishment: The real meaning of discipline and why yelling rarely builds character.
• The power of community: Why no parent should raise a child alone and how military culture gets this right.
• Rewriting fatherhood narratives: Especially around Black dads, and how showing up consistently can break generational patterns.
• Small habits that create core memories: From schedules to rituals to “trash time,” and why those tiny moments hit deeper than big gestures.

We sit with the real tension parents feel today. Wanting to provide, protect, and succeed while also wanting to be gentle, present, and remembered for more than the hours spent at work.

Guest Information

• Active-duty U.S. Marine Corps Major with over a decade of leadership experience.
• Children’s book author and founder of Parent Child Connect, dedicated to strengthening families and supporting youth through storytelling and mentorship.
• Known for his work on intentional parenting, community-building, disciplined habits, and helping fathers balance multiple identities with authenticity.
• Focus areas include fatherhood, leadership, teaching, community engagement and supporting children through presence and structure.

Note: Major Ogunyemi appears in this interview in a personal capacity. The views expressed are his own and do not represent the United States Marine Corps, the Department of Defense, or the United States Government.

Fact Check & Clarifications

We examined the facts in this episode against what is known in parental science, developmental psychology, military family systems, and how habits evolve. Here are the most significant confirmations and clarifications for accuracy and nuance:

1. Presence is more than proximity

What was said:  “Presence, I believe, is more than proximity. So it's more than you just being physically there.”

Olaolu adds that fathers must be “intentionally present,” highlighting that presence is not merely physical proximity but active involvement.

Status: True

Explanation: Research in developmental psychology demonstrates that responsive, involved parenting is more beneficial to kids than just physical presence. Resilience, academic success, and emotional control are all highly correlated with the level of parental engagement.

Source: Lamb, M. E. (Ed.). (2004). The role of the father in child development. John Wiley & Sons. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/31670039_The_Role_of_the_Father_in_Child_Development_M_R_Lamb

Why it matters: This validates the episode’s message that fathers can have a meaningful impact on their children’s development, even with limited time.

2. “Discipline” originally refers to teaching, not punishment.

What was said:  “ Truly what discipline was about is it's about that teacher pupil relationship … It's getting that pupil to accept the teacher's teaching. I realized that had nothing to do with punishment.”

Discipline, according to Olaolu, is not punishment but rather a connection between teacher and student.

Status: True

Explanation: According to its etymology, disciplina (Latin) means "instruction, teaching, knowledge" and is derived from discipulus, which means learner. Centuries later, punitive meaning evolved. Recently, the idea has been reinforced that learning is vital to instilling discipline in children. It builds stronger connection and imparts confidence.

Source: Nieman, P., Shea, S., Canadian Paediatric Society, & Community Paediatrics Committee. (2004). Effective discipline for children. Paediatrics & Child Health, 9(1), 37-41. https://academic.oup.com/pch/article/9/1/37/2648475

Why it matters: In keeping with current developmental research that supports teaching-based (as opposed to punitive) approaches to behaviour, this reframes discipline as guiding.

3. Rituals are just habits with forgotten reason.

What was said:  “ People discount habit and ritual. People don't like it, they're uncomfortable when they say ritual, but all ritual is is a habit that someone formed that they forgot why. It's just our minds aren't meant to do all the disparate and various things that we do now, and especially 'cause our lives end up being so compartmentalized.”

Tim is stressing that rituals are just organized behaviours that make life easier; they are neither mysterious nor complex. For modern parents whose minds are overburdened by continual multitasking and divided obligations, he is redefining rituals as useful tools.

Status: Clarified.

Explanation: The assertion is partially accurate but oversimplified. Although they overlap, rituals and habits are not the same:

Habits are instinctive actions that are prompted by environmental cues and don't involve much conscious thought (Wood & Röller, 2016).

Rituals are organized, frequently symbolic sequences of behaviours carried out with purpose and significance, even if the original meaning is lost (Hobson et al., 2018). Rituals strengthen identity or group cohesion, ease transitions, and lessen anxiety.

Indeed, rituals can eventually become habitual, and individuals occasionally lose sight of their original intent. However, studies reveal that rituals are different from habits because they frequently have social, emotional, or symbolic meaning, even when the performer is unable to articulate the initial motivation.

Cognitive research demonstrates that task-switching reduces attention and raises stress, which supports the second point that our minds are not designed for continuous context-switching (Monsell, 2003). This supports the episode's argument that routines and habits keep a divided, compartmentalized modern life stable.

Source: Wood, W., & Rünger, D. (2016). Psychology of habit. Annual review of psychology, 67(1), 289-314. https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev-psych-122414-033417

Hobson, N. M., Schroeder, J., Risen, J. L., Xygalatas, D., & Inzlicht, M. (2018). The psychology of rituals: An integrative review and process-based framework. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(3), 260-284. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1088868317734944

Why it matters: This subtlety supports the episode's thesis, which is that transitional rituals are psychologically potent tools that assist parents in shifting responsibilities, lowering stress levels, and remaining present at home.

4. The idea of “a mask versus a hat.”

What was said: “I think that the idea of a mask versus a hat, right? The hat matters, right? The role you're in, who you are to the person, matters, but you're still you.”

Status: True

Explanation: This distinction is supported by psychological studies. Inauthentic self-concealment, which is associated with distress and alienation, is symbolized by a mask (Larson & Chastain, 1990). A hat represents a social role, such as that of a professional, partner, or father. According to research, people can change roles while maintaining a consistent core identity, which makes role-switching adaptive and healthy (Ashforth & Johnson, 2001).

To be clear, some masks can become rigid, and some masks serve a societal purpose. Whether or not the true self is still present beneath the role is the major distinction.

Source: Larson, D. G., & Chastain, R. L. (1990). Self-concealment: Conceptualization, measurement, and health implications. Journal of Social and Clinical psychology, 9(4), 439-455. https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.1990.9.4.439 

Ashforth, B. E., & Johnson, S. A. (2014). Which hat to wear?: The relative salience of multiple identities in organizational contexts. In Social identity processes in organizational contexts (pp. 31-48). Psychology Press. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315800530-3/hat-wear-blake-ashforth-scott-johnson

Why it matters: Many men have trouble separating their roles and are afraid of coming across as fake. This explanation emphasizes that while masking, concealing emotion, or repressing vulnerability causes psychological strain, effective role-shifting (wearing hats) enhances fatherhood, leadership, and emotional presence.

5. The idea of “a mask versus a hat.”

What was said: “ By the data, black dads spend more time with their kids and more time caregiving than white guys and Hispanic guys both when they're in the home and during a separation when they're out of the home.”

Status: True

Explanation: Black dads report equivalent or higher levels of engagement (feeding, bathing, reading, and caregiving) than other demographic groups, according to a CDC study, regardless of whether they live with their children.

Source: Jones, J., & Mosher, W. D. (2013). Fathers' involvement with their children: United States, 2006-2010. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr071.pdf

Why it matters: It matters because research directly undermines a long-standing, damaging stereotype by pointing out that Black men spend more time caring for their children than any other group. It rectifies false narrative. Although statistics indicate that Black fathers are frequently more involved and present than white or Hispanic fathers, Black fathers have been represented for decades as being absent or uninvolved. Publicly naming this promotes a positive identity for Black men, changes how society perceives Black fatherhood, and inspires all fathers to choose presence over provision as the foundation of parenting.

6. “Trash time” as the most meaningful parent–child moment.

What was said: “Scott Galloway talks a lot about… his best moments with his son are in what he calls the ‘trash time’… conversation in the car on the way to the game… talking while they’re doing dishes… you’ve gotta just be there for it.”

Status: True

Explanation: Scott Galloway constantly highlights that the best times with his sons are at "the in-between moments" or "trash time," rather than during large, carefully planned events. He makes the case in The Algebra of Happiness, live presentations, and his podcast The Prof G Pod that parents overvalue scheduled events and undervalue everyday proximity, such as car rides, housework, and being in line, because kids open up when there is no pressure or agenda. According to Galloway, being present during "trash time" provides a disproportionate emotional return, which runs opposite to efficiency culture.

Source: Galloway, S. (2019). The algebra of happiness: Notes on the pursuit of success, love, and meaning. Penguin. https://www.amazon.com/Algebra-Happiness-Pursuit-Success-Meaning/dp/0593084195

Galloway, S. (Host). (2021–present). The Prof G Pod with Scott Galloway [Audio podcast]. Vox Media Podcast Network. https://podcasts.voxmedia.com/show/the-prof-g-pod-with-scott-galloway

Why it matters: It supports the idea that fathers can bond without "big moments" or ideal outings. Regularly being present in everyday life fosters a stronger sense of connection than making a lot of effort to plan quality time.

7. Small children don’t need fathers, but only mothers.

What was said:  ”With just fatherhood in general is all the science says like for the longest time it was accepted that small children didn't need fathers, that the mother was the most important thing for a small child.”

Status: False (and Clarified)

Explanation: The mother-infant bond was emphasized as the primary and occasionally exclusive attachment relationship in early Western attachment theory, particularly in interpretations of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth from the mid-20th century. Fathers were frequently characterized as secondary or peripheral to early child development in psychological and clinical research from the 1940s to the 1970s. But, this wasn't because researchers thought fathers weren't vital; rather, it was because they presumed moms were the main caretakers due to prevailing cultural norms. In academia and society, it was "accepted" that dads were primarily seen as providers rather than early caretakers and that infants had a single significant attachment, typically to the mother.

However, this perspective started to change in the 1970s and has since completely changed. Current research on development consistently demonstrates that fathers are among the many bonds that infants develop. Even in infancy, father engagement has quantifiable advantages for behavioural, cognitive, and socioemotional development. Secure attachment is just as consistently predicted by fathers' sensitive, responsive parenting as it is by mothers.

Source:  Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss v. 3 (Vol. 1). https://mindsplain.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/ATTACHMENT_AND_LOSS_VOLUME_I_ATTACHMENT.pdf

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. N. (2015). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology press. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9780203758045/patterns-attachment-mary-salter-ainsworth-everett-waters-mary-blehar-sally-wall

Lamb, M. E. (Ed.). (2004). The role of the father in child development. John Wiley & Sons. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/31670039_The_Role_of_the_Father_in_Child_Development_M_R_Lamb

Why it matters: Many men undervalue their role in providing early care because of the antiquated notion that children "don't need fathers," which continues to shape contemporary expectations. Fathers are better equipped to intervene earlier, form bonds earlier, and acknowledge their distinct developmental impact when they are aware of the most recent research.

8. Men get kids “Ready” for the world. And women nurture.

What was said: “The way that we have data around parenting is that men tend to be the ones that are getting their kids ready for the world. They want to teach ’em, they want to have boundaries, they want ’em ready. Moms tend to be the ones that make sure they're loved and safe.”

Status: Clarified.

Explanation: The idea that mothers prioritize making children feel "loved and safe" while fathers primarily "prepare kids for the world" is oversimplified. Research indicates that historically, mothers have handled the majority of caregiving and emotional support responsibilities, while fathers have been more closely linked to discipline and "preparation" roles. However, current studies consistently find that these patterns are cultural tendencies rather than universal truths, and that many modern fathers actively participate in teaching, setting boundaries, and preparing children for adulthood. When given the chance and assistance, both parents usually contribute across domains, and parenting tasks are increasingly overlapping.

Source: Van Holland De Graaf, J., Hoogenboom, M., De Roos, S., & Bucx, F. (2018). Socio-demographic correlates of fathers' and mothers’ parenting behaviors. Journal of child and family studies, 27(7), 2315-2327. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-018-1059-7

Why it matters: The concept that men and mothers frequently adopt distinct parenting responsibilities is partially supported by research; however, the assertion overstates how set those roles are. According to studies, males often engage in slightly more regulated play, supervision, and boundary-setting, but mothers still perform more everyday caring and emotional labour. However, modern families exhibit wide variance, and both parents typically share these tasks. Current research highlights that good parenting depends more on the quality of engagement than on gendered divisions, and the phrase represents historical tendencies rather than universal truths.

Full Citations / Further Reading

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. N. (2015). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology press. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203758045

Ashforth, B. E., & Johnson, S. A. (2014). Which hat to wear?: The relative salience of multiple identities in organizational contexts. In Social identity processes in organizational contexts (pp. 31-48). Psychology Press. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315800530

Baumrind, D. (1996). The discipline controversy revisited. Family relations, 405-414. https://doi.org/10.2307/585170

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss v. 3 (Vol. 1). https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1982.tb01456.x

Cabrera, N., Tamis‐LeMonda, C. S., Bradley, R. H., Hofferth, S., & Lamb, M. E. (2000). Fatherhood in the twenty‐first century. Child development, 71(1), 127-136. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8624.00126

Galloway, S. (2019). The algebra of happiness: Notes on the pursuit of success, love, and meaning. Penguin.

https://www.amazon.com/Algebra-Happiness-Pursuit-Success-Meaning/dp/0593084195

Galloway, S. (Host). (2021–present). The Prof G Pod with Scott Galloway [Audio podcast]. Vox Media Podcast Network. https://podcasts.voxmedia.com/show/the-prof-g-pod-with-scott-galloway

Hobson, N. M., Schroeder, J., Risen, J. L., Xygalatas, D., & Inzlicht, M. (2018). The psychology of rituals: An integrative review and process-based framework. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(3), 260-284. https://doi.org/10.1177/10888683177349

Huebner, A. J., Mancini, J. A., Wilcox, R. M., Grass, S. R., & Grass, G. A. (2007). Parental deployment and youth in military families: Exploring uncertainty and ambiguous loss. Family Relations, 56(2), 112-122. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00445.x

Jones, J., & Mosher, W. D. (2013). Fathers' involvement with their children: United States, 2006-2010. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr071.pdf

Lamb, M. E. (Ed.). (2004). The role of the father in child development. John Wiley & Sons. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/31670039_The_Role_of_the_Father_in_Child_Development_M_R_Lamb

Larson, D. G., & Chastain, R. L. (1990). Self-concealment: Conceptualization, measurement, and health implications. Journal of Social and Clinical psychology, 9(4), 439-455. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.1990.9.4.439 

Nieman, P., Shea, S., Canadian Paediatric Society, & Community Paediatrics Committee. (2004). Effective discipline for children. Paediatrics & Child Health, 9(1), 37-41. https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/9.1.37

Palkovitz, R., 2014. Involved fathering and men's adult development: Provisional balances. Psychology Press. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781410613059

Van Holland De Graaf, J., Hoogenboom, M., De Roos, S., & Bucx, F. (2018). Socio-demographic correlates of fathers' and mothers’ parenting behaviors. Journal of child and family studies, 27(7), 2315-2327. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1059-7

Wood, W., & Rünger, D. (2016). Psychology of habit. Annual review of psychology, 67(1), 289-314. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-122414-033417